dni if you skipped the intermission :/
john: you call your mom "roxanne"???
rose: Yeah.
john: like just her first name? you call your mom by her first name???
rose: Yes.
john: that's fucked up rose. that's fucked up. if i did that to my dad i think i would be grounded forever.
dave: i call my dad bro
john: he's your WHAT
hs kids' first day on the earth c minecraft survival server
jake: starts digging straight down as soon as he spawns. keeps digging. keeps digging. keeps digging. no one ever sees him again
jane: enters ready to get everyone organized. half the server immediately runs off doing their own thing. stops the remaining crew before they wander off so they can start building a base before it turns to night. gives everyone roles and then has to go afk because she was on her lunch break and is actually playing minecraft on her company computer. comes back hours later and finds the entire server on fire.
karkat: gets a stone hoe and some wheat seeds thrown at him and is told to set up a wheat farm. nods even though he's never played minecraft before and doesn't know how. clicks the ground with the hoe and it seems to do something so he does that for a while. dave comes over and asks him why he's been just plowing the ground in one really long straight line. tells him to fuck off so he does. wishes he hadn't when he realizes he could've asked him for help. figures out that if you click on the ground with the seed it plants it and decides he's actually a minecraft genius and doesn't need anybody's help at all. dusts his hands off proud of the work he's done and then goes to try to find kanaya.
kanaya: is given a stone axe and is told to chop down some wood for the houses. does and gives roxy some stacks and goes to chop down some more wood because she honestly finds it kind of therapeutic. ends up clearing an entire mountain. night comes and mobs start sprouting up and she chops them down too. is surrounded by fields of floating rotten flesh and bones and cursed armor when suddenly she sees flames in the distance near the base. starts marching down there with the grim resolution of an executioner, ready to now start chopping some necks.
terezi: learns how to craft a flint and steel and discovers the magic of fire. laughs maniacally as she starts burning cows she runs into and laughs even more when she discovers they drop cooked meat. wants to find more things to burn. finds a raider's base and the sound of the wood torching up into flames does something to her and she starts setting fire to the entire forest. stumbles across the base. sets fire to one of the buildings. karkat comes over and yells and asks what the fuck she's doing. sets karkat on fire. laughs as she watches him run in circles not knowing how to stop the flames. suddenly gets murked by kanaya who's sneaked up behind her, and continues being hunted down by her as she respawns for the rest of the night.
jade: wanders off and finds a cute little village. decides that she's adopting it now. places some flowers she's picked along the way around to make it look nice and pretty. tames and places some cats around the perimeter and puts some torches nearby to keep away mobs. builds a water fountain in the middle of the town square. waves goodbye to go find some wolves to tame and promises that she'll be back.
dave: builds elaborately detailed dirt penises all over the farm while karkat works and negs him. karkat tells him to fuck off and go do something useful. fucks off accordingly and finds jade's village. raids everything from the chests and all the crops. puts dirt dicks all over the place. kills the cats for string and free exp. kills some sheep and creates beds and pushes some of the villagers inside a shitty little acacia building he made with a sign on it saying "breeding pen". throws some potatoes at them and then blocks up the entrance. turns around and immediately gets blown up by a creeper.
calliope: is the only one given op privileges as she is the only one that everyone can trust to have it. decides she wants to build a big cool glass castle in the sky. has just finished building the base when jade types in chat that whoever destroyed her village is going to pay. types "oh no!!!" in the chat. gets a dm from dave asking her for sanctuary because jade is going to KILL him. remembers that he's made NFTs. sends jade screenshots of the exact incriminating parts in the server log and happily continues building her castle.
rose: has debug screen turned on. immediately crafts several stone axes. runs off to the nearby desert and finds a desert temple and raids it, crafting an iron bucket. fills it with water and goes to a lava pool and builds a nether portal. enters the nether. speed bridges over to a nether fortress and makes a wither skeleton farm and proceeds to grind for ~3-4 hours. collects enough wither skulls. readies her bow and summons the wither and starts using its detonating blasts to mine down for ancient debris.
roxy: tried to convince everybody at the beginning to download 727378282 mods to make the server "more FUN!!". was unsuccessful. gets told to make some houses and beds for the base so she does. looks for other things to do and finds karkat's wheat farm and is flabbergasted. why is it in one long straight line. there isn't even any water. where is the water? tells john to go get her some redstone while she fixes it up so she can automate it.
john: not sure what to do. roxy tells him to start mining for redstone ("its red and shiny lol you wont have to dig that far"). digs straight down into a cave. realizes he forgot to get wood but decides to go on anyway. uses up all his stone pickaxes mining copper because he doesn't know what it is and it looks cool. hits a slime and it divides into more slimes and he freaks out and runs away with two hearts. keeps running and finds a door in the side of the cave wall. opens it. wanders around in a cool maze and then enters a weird room with some yellow and green chest like boxes. suddenly gets attacked by a little bug making a screechy sound and panics and dies.
dirk: rounds up some animals into pens for the base and then busts out a boat and a fishing pole to try to get them a book of mending. is chilling in the middle of the ocean and then sees that dave gets blown up by a creeper in chat. asks if he's okay and if he needs someone to come over. sees that karkat got killed by terezi. sees that terezi got killed by kanaya. asks what is going on. is now rowing back towards base. jade types that her village has been destroyed. jane has logged on and is asking why the entire base is on fire. is crafting buckets and filling them with water. sees that rose got an achievement for summoning the wither. texts her "Dude did you just summon the Wither???". rose ominously replies "I've got it handled." sees john got killed by a silverfish and roxy asking when the hell john found the stronghold. jake gets a cheating death with a totem of undying achievement. proceeds to have a total aneurysm.
people are fighting over tipping culture in america on twitter and so many europeans are trying to explain why stiffing your server is praxis, actually
and it reminded me of the time I was working outside the 9/11 memorial and a european tourist came up to yell in my face at like 8am that we should all be ashamed of ourselves for charging admission to a museum of a national tragedy and when I said we depended on the money to stay open he screamed some more in my face about what a shameful disgusting government I had that wouldn’t subsidize the museum as though I personally set it up that way, and I had to eventually respond “sir, I haven’t been able to afford to see a doctor in 10 years you think I like this system???” and he just stomped away still yelling me I was a shameful person for this, the ticketing system I had no say in and also thought was outrageously expensive
anyways, just want to throw out there that if your only means of protesting an unjust system is to shit on the victims of that system then you’re not a moral crusader you’re just an asshole dressing up your assholery, pretending your cruelty is for a greater good. Tip 20% (or more!) when you eat out in america, it’s really that simple.
my tummy hurts but at least i have a medical professional (baby cat) accompanying me
hi baby cat here. we hvae to cut you in to ten million pieces with my claws forever
are yhou sure about this doctor
Joe Biden running around inside the secret passages all throughout the Whitehouse like am underestimated hamster in its deluxe plastic cage frantically looking for a way to die
Surprisingly, this is not a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference, but an actual fact. From Burnout: Solve Your Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
I think Doctor Emily Nagoski has a PHD but YEAH
[image ID, photo of a book page:
[bold, centered text] Forty-Two Percent [bold ends]
So how much is “adequate”?
Science says: 42 percent.
That’s the percentage of time your body and brain need you to spend resting. It’s about ten hours out of every twenty-four. It doesn’t have to be every day; it can average out over a week or a month or more. But yeah. That much.
“That’s ridiculous! I don’t have that kind of time!” you might protest - and we remind you that we predicted you might feel that way, back at the start of the chapter.
We’re not saying you [italic] should [end italic] take 42 percent of your time to rest; we’re saying if you don’t take the 42 percent , the 42 percent will take you. It will grab you by the face, shove you to the ground, put its foot on your chest, and declare [image ends here, mid-sentence]
end ID]
Here’s the last paragraph, completed courtesy of Goodreads:
We’re not saying you should take 42 percent of your time to rest; we’re saying if you don’t take the 42 percent, the 42 percent will take you. It will grab you by the face, shove you to the ground, put its foot on your chest, and declare itself the victor.
LOVE the term passenger princess because since I’m part of the no car cuck gang I get to leech off of all my friends who do drive but instead of feeling like a parasite I get to be like “I’m ur princess :) hehe I’m ur princess and ur driving me around :)”
DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
who smokes the biggest, fattest, nastiest blunts in homestuck?
john: he is from the suburbs. if earth b wasn't destroyed he would've smoked not only weed, but would've probably done shrooms as well. maybe even crack
rose: has definitely done weed but is now staying sober. not just to help with her alcoholism, but also because she gets extremely paranoid when she does and starts lighting candles everywhere to get rid of the smell and it's a literal fire hazard.
dave: talks the most shit but gets nervous and clammy when he's first handed a bong and it slips out of his shaking, sweaty hands and shatters into pieces all over the floor and no one offers him weed ever again
jane: doesn't touch the stuff because she "doesn't have the time for it" but the one time she decides to take a hit it has no effect on her at all and she gets extremely frustrated and takes a couple more, lies down, and then immediately enters the deepest, longest sleep of her life to the point that everyone else around her gets very concerned
jake: says he's never really been into drugs until someone informs him that the mushrooms he dug up behind meemaw's garden shed as a kid and ate to see funny movies in his head were, in fact, a form of drug
roxy: has actually never done weed and the one time she was given a bong has also dropped it with her sweaty gamer hands and had it shatter all over the floor
dirk: knows that weed could potentially help calm him down, let go of his hyper-vigilance, give relief from his constant self-inflicted anxiety, and help him achieve a state of inner peace. which is why he stays stone cold sober
all the trolls: they literally sleep in cbd slime
jade: snoop dogg